December 2010

I have been thinking about my life lately. What I am good at and what I want to succeed at. I had so many ideas of what I wanted to do while growing up. Astronaut, doctor, own a summer camp for children and have special training for handicapped kids with horses. I watch movies and tv and see all these successful women and think it would be great to specialize in something to be really good at something. I feel like there is so many things I could be good at if I wanted to set my mind to that goal. I worry about not finishing my degree but then I step back and realize I do not want to do anything different.

All my life the thing I wanted most above all others was to be a mom. Now that I am a mom and wonder about what ifs sometimes I realize I am not willing to give up any of the time with my children. I want to be there when they get home, I want to help at their school, I want to give them extra help on their homework and help them get the grades they deserve, I want to support them in the extra activities, I want to coach them when I can, I want them to have their displays and projects done on time and be proud of them, I want to watch their practices and listen to all their problems, I want to be at church with them and teach them the gospel, I want to play with them, I want to cook meals for them. I realized that I did and got exactly what I wanted.

I have 5 beautiful children that are wonderful, smart and amazing. I have no spare time because I do have my own business that I really don't have time for because I don't like it to take away from my children, I take care of the bookwork etc.. for Paul's multiple companies, I love to serve in my church, and the list could go on. I would drop everything for my children or Paul and I do but I hope they know that. There are times that I have to do work when I want to play with them and I don't feel like I get to play enough.

It would be awesome to learn forensics, train horses, work with numbers (love math), teach, fly, be a doctor but obviously none of those are my passion. My passion is my children, my husband, my family. Someday I might go back to school, I would love to, someday I might give riding lessons, someday I might get a job doing who know what or my passion might pass right on to my grandchildren. There will be a day when Ava is older that my days will have some free time that I can work on my business again, teach riding or something but for now I only need to step back when I start wondering if I need to succeed at something outside of my family. This is what I wanted above everything and I wouldn't change it for anything. I love you Paul, I love you Madison, I love you Jaxon, I love you Greta, I love you Wil, I love you Ava!!